I deceive so as not to harm
by Alfred's Elevator
Summary: Romano loves Spain, but not quite in the same way that Spain loves him. His former caretaker's insistence is scaring him, and Romano doesn't know how to tell the Spaniard that he just isn't interested, fearing that if he is continued to be bothered he'll drive Spain away forever in anger. Friendless, Romano turns to the only one he can think of to help him. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Thanks for reading, or at least clicking the link!

Summary: Romano loves Spain, but not quite in the same way that Spain loves him. His former caretaker's insistence is scaring him, and Romano doesn't know how to tell the Spaniard that he just doesn't swing that way, and he fears if he is continued to be pushed he'll end up scaring Spain away forever. Virtually friendless, Romano turns to the only one he can think of to help him, who suggests a deceptive, but possibly effective, method of getting Spain off his back without severing ties completely.

T for Romano's colorful tongue and France's franciness.

I don't own Hetalia, I'm just breaking the barriers of what is considered a 'normal' Hetalia fanfic, and am doing so with an unusual pairing. Deal.

-Prelude-

"I... I-I need your help. Bitch." Romano glared at the woman in front of him, both their faces flickering in the candlelight, half-lit in the empty closet. "And what the hell is with the lighting?"

The girl laughed. "That's interesting, normally you wouldn't call people you needed help from 'bitch.' And you looked like your brother's life was on the line and you had secret info when you said you needed to speak to me, can you blame me? It adds effect, don't you feel like a spy in a movie?"

"I feel like a moron hiding in a closet with an insane hag, begging her for help like a dog!" Romano scoffed. His amber eyes reflected annoyance and hurt pride in the situation

"Ok, sorry." The girl backed off a bit, reminded of the discomfort he must feel at asking anyone for help with something obviously important to him. Romano was adamant in his independent barrier, keeping himself shielded from everyone else with a wall of hate. He must have tried every which way to solve the problem before consulting her. "What did you want, Romano?" She still was irritated at his rude manner, but she put it aside so she could help. "I won't tell a soul.'

Romano snorted , but otherwise didn't respond. "It's Spain." he finally whispered through gritted teeth. The candle flickered in his downward-cast breath of shame. "He shows up all the time with flowers or chocolates or some shit, but-"

"You don't know how to say you love him!? You don't know what to get him for christmas or his birthday!?" She said this unbelievably fast. "Oh, I love yaoi!" she trilled. "Is it-"

"Idiot! It's that I don't know how to get it through his thick skull THAT I'M STRAIGHT! At least not without hurting him! I don't even know how I could hurt him to make him stay away! No matter how much I insult him or tell him I hate him or want him to fuck off!"

"It kinda loses it's effect after hundreds of years, he's probably not affected anymore." she reasoned.

"No shit, Sherlock! I don't want to hurt him, but I tried being nice! He doesn't get it!"

'I wonder what 'nice' Romano is like.' The girl thought. "Well, maybe-"

"He raised me for gods' sake! I think of the bastard as a father, no more, no less! He keeps coming back, though, trying to woo his precious 'Lovi'. " He spat the nickname in disgust. "No matter what the fuck comes through my lips, he always says I shouldn't 'dirty such beautiful things'! I hate i-"

"Ok, that's enough! I do feel bad you don't care about him like that when he's so devoted to you though." Indeed the woman's disappointed frown was evident, but in the dim light, to Romano, she looked absolutely murderous that such a perfect romantic boy couple wouldn't fall in love and kiss and cuddle and have- Wait what? "But..."

After a few moments Romano's impatience exploded. "Well, bitch!?" he demanded.

"You say you're straight?"

He bit back an insult. "Sí"

"Not even slightly not-straight?"

"No."

"You're so straight that it's not str-"

"NO! ARE YOU TRYING TO PISS ME OFF!? I. AM. NOT. INTERESTED. IN. HIM."

"...In him? What about-" She laughed at his expression. "You need to date someone."

"I'll have you see, witch, that- Date someone? A girl?"

"Duh, it wouldn't do too much to improve your 'straight' image if you date a guy."

He considered this for several minutes, scowling when he realized something. "One problem: I couldn't get a date if I wanted to. Stupid whores think they're better than me!"

The woman rolled her eyes. "Can't imagine why you would have a problem, Mr. Sunshine."

"I hate you."

"You don't want my help?"

"Your solution sucks."

"What about my other one, hmm?" She asked playfully.

"What, get over my denial and go fuck Spain so you can get photos? Like shit, screw off."

"No, another one that doesn't involve anything like that, or even that involves Spain."

"...Well? "

"Ready to be nice?"

"Sure. What the fuck ever!"

"You've heard of mutualism, yes? Both parties benefit from some kind of interaction? I sometimes wonder if anyone would be jealous of someone I was dating, two people in particular. If I were to pretend to date you, I would find out and you could practice your... strategies, with me." Romano nodded "If we 'broke up' someone might get some balls, if they were holding out, and ask me out." She added darkly, chuckling evilly. Romano shivered in fright.

"Uhh..."

"We wouldn't have to actually be together a lot, only in public with other countries, otherwise I wouldn't bother. You're such an ass." she stated matter-of-factly.

"Shit, I get it. This is for your gain, everyone hates me and even my fratello can't see one redeeming trait in me! You've made your point, asshole!"

"You're hurting your pride so you don't hurt Spain, that's good enough." She said cautiously, ready to smack him but restraining herself.

"And to get him to stop stalking me!" He protested, blushing slightly at the almost-praise.

"That's one of many problems you have, Romano. If anyone sees a slightly nice side of you then you cover it up with spite and selfishness!" She sighed, taking a breath and tuning out his response. "You act, I act, I teach you how to treat human beings, we 'break up' in a few months. You move on, I find out who likes me, win-win." She smiled at him mischievously, he squirmed uncomfortably.

"Fine. Fine! FINE! Stop that, you're creeping me out! I agree, bastard! Happy? This better work."

"Excellent. I have a party to plan."

A/N: Hello peeps! So, this idea worked it's way into my brain ands rooted itself. I thank you for reading so far! First of all, I've been having weird dreams lately. One was about my cat that died a few months ago coming back to life and the other was the night before and it turned into PruAus at the end, a pairing I think is interesting but don't really ship, so I may be a bit messed up right now.

Anyway, the point of this fic as I developed a plot was to break down some walls. I've only seen S. Italy paired with Spain, Prussia (O.o?), and (seriously, where did this come from!?) N. Italy. I appreciate a good yaoi fic as much as the next fangirl, but incest is just... No.

Back to the point, I also wanted to expand the woman's pairing range because I've only seen her with 2 people. If you haven't guessed who it is, I've done a better job than I expected and I'll leave it for next chapter. I portrayed her more as I've seen her in fanfiction than the actual anime and Romano seems out of character, but stick with me. Romano is not paired with Prussia, Spain, or his brother, but with one of the (regrettably) few female characters in Hetalia. I don't really like genderswitch, either. This wasn't made exclusively because I feel like Romano MUST be straight, it was made for fun and to share my ideas with the world.

If you feel like this is too weird an idea to read, or you're just too stuck in the Spamano box, then flame me to your hearts content, come at me bro! Just know I value constructive criticism, comments, or follows much more than personal attacks.

Thanks for reading!

**P.S. I'll do something for the first person to guess the mystery woman, some sort of prize. I won't put her in the main characters until next update, nonetheless it's still pretty easy to guess, so don't expect a new car. **


	2. Chapter 2

EDIT 5/13/13: Sorry for the crappy post, I read the chapter on my DSi and it looked awful D: I think it was just a misreading on my systems part, though, so i'm going to try reposting it. I still need a Beta, please!

A/N: THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS, FAVORITES, AND FOLLOWS! Though 70+ viewers didn't even leave an 'it sucked' in the review box U_U

MidnightWhispersInTheDark: It's not Belarus, but I definitely see why you would think that! I made the woman slightly creepy and Belarus might be interested in how dear brother would act if she got a boyfriend...

P.S. I love your profile pic :)

HetaWriter - HetaReader: Thanks for the long review, and you guessed right! Hungary is the one! I owe you something to be decided at your leisure! I appreciate your opinions immensely! (I also overuse exclamation marks...).

Thanks faved, followed, reviewed, or even gave it a chance!

If you notice any mistakes, PLEASE POINT THEM OUT! DX I want to improve my writing and really have no experience with romance... I also noticed a major fail in the summary, I hope I fixed it.

The countries' human names, to me, show that they are speaking to the person that they name, not just the personification and use it as a slightly endearing term. For example, If in a UN meeting or anything to do with their countries/jobs, they would address each other as 'England' or 'Germany'. However, If they were getting together to enjoy each other's company, maybe discuss hobbies or something, it would be 'Arthur' and 'Ludwig'. Their human names gives them their own identities separate from the countries they personify, and are more rarely used. I try to use their country names when not writing dialogue, though, so as not to confuse readers.

I don't know if I'll use them all:

S. Italy-Lovino

Spain-Antonio

N. Italy-Feliciano

Germany-Ludwig

Prussia-Gilbert

Austria-Roderich

Hungary-Elizaveta

England-Arthur

America-Alfred

I'll add more if I need to.

Also, if you don't remember: Veneziano = N. Italy

Two last things, I'm looking for a beta and a better title. If you would volunteer or give me a better name, I would appreciate it!

XXX-End A/N-XXX

I don't own Hetalia and this may be the only fic I put a disclaimer in...

^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^J^

Romano watched indifferently as the winged green bunny drifted over his head. 'Where is Feliciano!? I need that jewell, dammit!'' He thought, feeling exposed on the hill under the orange sky. 'We need to get the bomb disarmed before that bastard, England kidnaps the princess of potato-bastards!'

"Heeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Romano whipped around at his brother's cry as the younger Italian stumbled up the side of the hill, his brother running down to meet him.

"What the hell is up with your outfit!?" Romano demanded as Veneziano hugged him. The northern half of Italy was wearing a green tunic that went to his knees, a belt on the top of it, white leggings, leather boots, and a super-long green beanie, his curl sticking out with some of his bangs.

"Ve! Japan gave them to me!" He said happily, forgetting the thing he'd been running from in an instant.

Romano pushed Veneziano's head away from his own, swearing when he felt the curls tug on each other; they were tangled together again! "Idiot, look what you've done!" Romano yelled, pushing his brother away and hurting both of them.

Veneziano started crying "OW! Lovino, please stop! L-LOOK!" Romano turned around, gritting his teeth and shivering as the curls pulled again.

A zombie was walking slowly and stiffly towards them, moaning Romano's name. It had no flesh rotting, but the blood splattered on it's clothes and face scared both Italies as it's clouded green eyes stared at them without seeing.

"S-Spain!" Romano yelled as he recognized the face of his former caretaker, hungry for his flesh and moaning hungrily.

"Rooooooooooommmmaaaaaanoooooooooooo..."

Romano hugged his brother closer, subconsciously using him as a human shield. Veneziano was sobbing and clutching his brother. "Stop that, hold still, idiot!" Romano demanded, examining the knot, aware the zombie was still yards away. He fingered the hair strands, trying to untie them. "Help, idiot! Your hands are better at manipulating things, you damn artist!" Romano commanded, flinching as he yanked his own hair painfully. Romano bit his lip, drawing blood.

Veneziano did nothing, only clutching his brother's shirt and making them both far more uncomfortable, as the zombie slowly inched closer. Adrenaline pulsed through Romano's veins and he could have sworn he heard his heart beating, even over Veneziano's whimpers and the zombie's drone.

"Almost. Done." Romano said through gritted teeth. He pulled the last knot out and shoved his brother away, slipping backward on the slope.

"GO!" He yelled, struggling to his feet as he watched his brother flee up the hill.

"Roooooommmaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnooooooooooo..."

The zombie was feet away and Romano felt weighed down, unable to move as he saw the crisp flesh around the zombie's mouth stretch open wide.

'No..." he whispered breathlessly as it overtook him, pinning the elder brother's shoulders to the ground, inching closer with it's yellowed teeth bared. "No no no no no..." But Romano could only slide his eyes closed as the teeth tore into his cheek, sending excruciating pain through his whole body when the nerves tore away in Spain's mouth, monster chewing slowly. He wanted to scream, but the zombie had paralyzed him in pain and fear, he had no chan-

_'I'm gonna tell you what I think about you in that unforgivable way I do_

_You're an idiot_

_And I hate your guts_

_I guess I'm about as happy for you as I would be a cockroach in my food_

_I know it's terrible_

_I really hate you though'_

(SONG)

Romano jerked awake, quickly closing his eyes against the light coming in through the window. He was breathing heavily as he stretched out his hand and groped around on his bedside table until fingers closed on his ringing phone, pulling it to his ear as his thumb pressed 'talk'.

"Ciao, tomato-bastard. You've reached sleeping-Italian-who-didn't-ask-for-a-rude-awakeni ng-but-got-one-anyway incorporated, how may we screw up your order?" he panted breathlessly.

"Good morning, Lovi!"

"You are so fucking obvious!"

"So I'm told..." Romano sighed and relaxed back into the mattress, heartbeat slowly returning to normal. He thought about falling back asleep.

"-a party, want to go?"

Romano shook his head, refocusing on Spain. "What?"

"I said I was invited to a party for many countries this weekend, do you want to come with me?"

Romano felt the certainty of the point of no return, knowing the next sentence could start him down a road where Spain would never talk to him again. 'But, I need to get him to stop, this is the best way.' he reasoned. 'I'm sorry, Tomato-Bastard.' He sighed.

"I'm going with someone already, she invited me awhile ago, and she isn't so much of a bitch that I can't stand her..." he said, opening his eyes and staring at the white ceiling in his mostly red decorated room with accents of white. "So I agreed

"Someone invited you already?"

"You know I do not repeat myself after the first time I say something." He said dully, hoping Spain would assume his lack of aggression was due to tiredness and not guilt or regret.

"I know, you've told me that before" Romano frowned at Spain's fake cheerfulness, expecting the happy Spaniard to bounce back from the disappointed one ten-fold.

"It's been awhile since I've dated anyone, I figured it was time to at least try again." He reasoned, then putting some venom in his tone when he tried to cheer up Spain "Did you think I was too ugly or mean to get a date, Antonio?" he demanded, sitting up and leaning on the headboard.

"You know I don't think you're mean or ugly, Lovi!" Spain protested, sounding slightly more cheerful. "But, I've got to go, will I see you at the party?"

"If you don't get your eyes clawed out by rabid dogs on the way then I would assume yes."

"...Why would my eyes be clawed out by-"

"If you still have the ability to see, you will see me! Happy?" Romano demanded, starting to become irritated with both himself and Spain, hating the guilt of tricking his mentor.

"If I can see you, I'll always be happy!"

Romano promptly hung up on the somewhat cheesy response. He laid back down a moment before sending Hungary a text message: 'He fucking invited me and I told him that I was already going with a shitty girl. Your idiotic plan might be working.' He decided falling asleep might be a good idea, still being very tired, and rolled over to resume his siesta.

Suddenly, he heard a call from downstairs in Italian. "Fratello! Lunch is ready!"

"Dammit!"

"Wie gehts, my fellow BTT members? The awesome me is here!" Prussia plopped down on the grass next to Spain and France, who was on a plastic lawn chair he'd dragged over to the edge of the spacious back yard. He had on a black T-shirt, jeans, and plain shoes. A string around his neck leading into his shirt suggested he had his iron cross on as well. Spain had on a yellow collared shirt and brown pants, while France had on a red collared shirt under a white jacket and white pants. He was humming along with the violinist's song as it drifted across the grass, a song neither of the other's knew, and occasionally slipped something from a red plastic cup. "You overdressed, smart one," Prussia snorted.

France waved his hand airily. "No one can overdress, so long as it's stylish."

"Uh-huh. Riiiiight."

"Don't do this again. Remember last time?" Spain cautioned with a smile. Prussia snickered. The last time that France and Prussia had fought about fashion it had ended up with a ruined $1300 outfit and the silent treatment for 6 months consecutively.

"Whatever, he deserved it. It was awesome" the albino grinned.

"As if! You have the fashion sense of a teenager with no taste! Just because I can tell the difference between faux leather and real with a glance, you think you have the right- "

"Duty calls, I see Austria." Prussia stood up, 'kesese'-ing quietly. He then walked away, completely ignoring France's indignant huff.

"Figures..." France frowned at his friend's escape. "He is not very elegant..."

Spain chuckled at the comment. "I would hope not, Francis. You think you are the essence of elegance, I do not want Prussia acting like you."

"Ah! Why not? I am parfait!" France pouted.

"I don't speak French, but it sounded like you just called yourself yogurt..."

"I called myself perfect, because it is true."

"If you say so, mi amigo, but I see Lovi, I will be back." Spain left as well, running to the back door as the Italies came out. France pouted at the lack of attention and sipped his drink.

"Lovi, how are you?" Spain asked cheerfully, trying to ruffle the Italian's hair when he met the brothers near the back door. Romano ducked under Spain's arms and behind his brother.

"Ciao, idiot." he glared. "Leave my hair alone! Sexually harass Feliciano, I have better things to do." he walked away towards a group of people. Spain thought that was a rather cheerful greeting from Romano.

Veneziano started crying. "Y-You wouldn't, right? V-ve."

"Wouldn't what?" Spain asked blankly as he turned to the younger brother.

"S-Sexually harass me!"

"No, of course not! You know I wouldn't!" Spain hugged the Italian. Veneziano relaxed, fear forgotten. "Romano is so cute when he's angry!" Spain sighed.

"Um, ok!" Italy nodded happily. "Have you seen Germany!?" he asked, standing on the balls of his feet to look around excitedly.

"He was with Japan and Austria last time I saw him. Bye!" Spain called to Veneziano's back as the Italian saw the slicked-back hair that belonged to his friend and started running. The Spaniard smiled when Italy jumped on Germany's back and causing him to spill some of his drink when it splashed out of the cup. Japan and Austria stiffened, expecting Germany's head to explode at the loss of the precious substance.

Germany stared at the glistening grass, not caring for once that Veneziano had gone into overly-clingy koala bear mode. "Mein Bier..." he muttered sadly, narrowing his eyes.

Italy jumped off. "Ve! I'm so so so so so so so so sorrrrrrrrrry, Germany! Don't hurt me! I'm only a sad little-"

"It's ok, Italien." Germany sighed deeply, recovered by the Italian's rant. "I can always get more. Wie gehts?"

"Oh, I'm really good, Germany! What about you!?"

"I'm we-"

"Oh, yeah! I made pasta for Romano last night and he said he wanted to burn it because it tasted so awful and I should die, but he said it less mean than normal so I think he liked it!"

Germany sighed again. People seemed to make a habit of bullying the weak Italian, himself regrettably included, and Italy was completely devoted and loyal to anyone who ever said anything remotely nice to him/gave him decent food, even if the person hit him two seconds later. "You're so weak, Italy. You need to be strong and stand up for yourself. People step all over you and you don't even notice!"

"He certainly notices it if you step on him." Austria frowned.

"You know this how?" Germany asked threateningly in German.

The musician scowled, responding in the same language. "Let's say I was a bit rougher on him than Hungary when we belonged to the Holy Roman Empire." Germany raised an eyebrow. "Well, he kept stealing food!"

"Let's talk in a language I know, per favore!" Italy asked, slightly wondering why the German phrase 'Heiliges Römisches Reich' sounded familiar.

"Hai, it would be much appreciated." Japan added.

"Romano! Over here!" Hungary called, waving. The green in her green sundress matched her eyes, and the fabric went to her knees. The flowers she always adorned her hair with were in place as well. while behind her England and China were bickering about food. The Italian came over sulkily.

"Ciao." He said dully.

"Hello, Romano! You should cheer up, you are at a party!" She emphasised, nudging him with her elbow.

Romano smirked "I am oh, so, super happy to be invited to this celebration of the glories of life." he said flatly. "I am forever in your dept for inviting me, and my life wouldn't be the same if I had not of come."

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "I'm glad you are enjoying yourself so much." she said sarcastically and started walking over to where Spain had rejoined France, pulling him along.

"Ok, we need to be together in front of Spain now, where it counts! That greeting was very emotionless." She whispered in his ear as they walked. " If you like girls, you like spending time with them. Rule one with dating, start with a compliment! Two, don't make them feel like you'd rather be somewhere else. Cheer up and enjoy my company, or, at least act like it!" She hissed.

"You're irritating my ear."

"Good. Hey, Spain, France!" she stopped whispering when they neared the countries. "Are you enjoying yourselves?" Romano shifted uncomfortably when Spain stood up and got in his face. He took a step back, bumping into Hungary. He grunted an apology and folded his arms, keeping her as barrier between him and Spain.

"Oui, thank you." France said.

Spain stopped trying to lock eyes with Romano, playfully ducking and looking around Hungary, and smiled when she turned to him."Oh, yes! Your house is so lovely! The lawn is absolutely 'parfait'!"

Both she and Romano gave him a weird look, asking "What?"

France cried indignantly "You know it's your loss that you don't understand the language of love!"

"I'll learn it after people stop calling my lawn a parfait... Well, thatcould be a good thing,  
I guess." Hungary tilted her head in thought. "Made right they look lovely!"

Romano hissed and spat at the Frenchman. "I'll learn Rose-Bastard's language when the fucking sky turns orange and shit rains down from it."

Hungary smacked him gently on the head. "Be nice." Romano bit back a retort with much effort.

"Was zum Teufel, Preußen!" Hungary and Romano both turned around, France was already facing the direction of the cry, and Spain laughed, still facing France.

"Prussia took a side trip to the refreshment table before saying 'hello' to Austria, didn't he?" the Spaniard guessed.

Hungary burst out laughing as France confirmed the suspicion. "And now Austra is dripping with beer."

Prussia came back over with an empty cup, grinning like a maniac. Romano held a bored face until Hungary nudged him. He sarcastically smiled, dropping his lips after a second.

"I'd give up my allowance this week if I could've had a picture of the awesome me drenching Ostrich!" Prussia laughed. He had adopted that nickname for Austria after seeing the words Österreich and ostrich next to each other.

"Allowance?" Romano scoffed disbelievingly. The awesome Prussia ignored him.

France frowned, asking drily: "You do know he has an army, right?" He took a sip of his drink.

"My awesomeness could destroy a million dumb Austrians! The Sissy's neutral anyway!" Prussia bragged, holding his hand out for the cup. France handed it over. "Plus, West will back me up! How could he not if he stood to lose my awesome presence in his house if Austria somehow captured me?" He took a large gulp and immediately pulled the cup away in disgust, scowling. "He'll back me up!" He thrust the cup back at France.

"Now you sound like that twit of a country I used to call my colony." England laughed bitterly, walking briskly towards the group. "Except for Superman you're 'Awesome man' or some tosh."

"Time to go, Romano." Hungary pulled the Italian away by the arm.

Arthur shoved something into France's hand, nearly tipping the cheap chair over. France gave him an overly flashy smile. "And I thank you. But you should know your outfit is hideous." He said, nodding at the grey slacks and white collared shirt.

"Because I really need fashion lessons from a frog! I want to look like a man, not a ballerina."

"Ouch." Prussia grinned again, pulling Gilberd from his pocket to watch. The bird looked ruffled and not really happy, chirping indignantly. His owner ignored it and shoved the bird into his hair, where it was forced to grab onto the silvery strands or fall onto the ground.

"You need fashion lessons, but not nearly as much as you need cooking lessons! Even a duly dressed german can cook without burning everything!" England glared, stepping closer to loom over the chair and France in it.

Spain leaned towards Prussia, who had sat down again. "Should we do something?"

The albino pulled an apple from his pocket and took a bite. "Why?"

"I don't-" England cut off as he jumped to the ground, rolling to his feet. Spain was drenched as a stream of water missed the heavily-eyebrowed man. "AMERICA, YOU DOLT!" he yelled rushing at the grinning teen.

"Gotta catch me first, old man!" America laughed, turning the hose so England had to veer away to avoid getting wet by the splirting water. coming from it. Spain stood up, shaking his wet sleeves.

"You take showers in your clothes, bastard? Are you that insecure with yourself?" Romano yelled from a few yards away, looking up from a conversation with a tolerant Hungary about how much he hated everyone there.

"You are the insecure one, Lovi!" Spain smiled "I intend to fix that, though! America just decided to see if England's eyebrows weighed him down when wet and hit me instead!"

"Wow, Burger-Bastard actually hit something!? I'm not really surprised you couldn't move your fat ass and dodge it! Your stupid shoes make annoying noises when they are wet, go change." Romano snapped as Spain squelched over to them.

"Aww, is Lovi concerned?" Prussia teased.

Romano looked irritated. "My name is 'Romano' idiot! Of course if that's too long for your stupid brain to memorize, Italy works just as well!" Prussia glared at him. "Why don't you fucking lose your job and live in your Potato-Bastard brother's fucking basement! Oh, you already do! Well, shit. I can't think of anything worse to condemn you to!"

"The awesome me will show you who's stupid!" Prussia rushed forward towards the Italian, pulling a knife from somewhere no one saw. Romano paled and stumbled backwards, quickly losing his smug expression and debating pulling an Italy and waving a white flag. Prussia grinned maniacally and drew the weapon back, only to have the wrist grabbed and wrenched painfully behind his shoulders.

"Gilbert, Stop it! Romano, just go get me a drink!" Hungary demanded

"Who the hell- …What kind, Cara mia?" He asked with a sigh, frowning, though he said it somewhat nicely. France, Hungary, and Prussia froze. Spain gaped.

"Um... Pepsi, please." The Italian left for the refreshment table. Spain and Prussia looked to her in disbelief, Prussia awkwardly over his shoulder.

The former dropped his gaze to the ground. "That means 'my dear.' did you know?"

"Kesesesese! You drugged him?" Prussia asked, all signs of aggression gone.

Hungary let go of his arm. "Nem. Maybe he just wanted to apologise in a way for starting a fight with a friend?"

"I wouldn't trust anything

"You asked him here, didn't you?" Spain asked, though the answer was obvious.

"Igen." She smiled. Spain said nothing more and smiled distantly. Romano came back and handed her a cup of Pepsi begrudgingly.

"Here." She smiled and thanked him. He folded his arms and nodded.

"Let's go get something to eat, kedvesem." She said teasingly. "That was better." She whispered in his ear as they turned away, Romano somewhat annoyed.

They left and France turned to Prussia. "Allowance?"

The albino rolled his eyes. "West has the awesome me living on 75 euros a week for food because I don't have a job. He will not feed me if I run out, either!"

Translations:

(Most are confirmed through Google translate or online dictionaries, please correct them if necessary)

Italian

Fratello-Brother

Ciao-Hello/Goodbye (How can you call yourself a Hetalian if you need this one?)

per favore-Please

German

Wie gehts-How are you?

Italien-Italy

Heiliges Römisches Reich-Holy Roman Empire

Was zum Teufel, Preußen-What the fuck, Prusssia

Österreich-Austria

Japanese

hai-Yes

French

Parfait-Perfect

Oui-Yes

Hungarian

Igen-Yes

Nem-No

Kedvesem-Should be my dear or my darling. She was playing with Romano

Spanish

Mi amigo-My friend

A/N: Thank You for reading! Please excuse spelling errors in any language, even American. I can't speel even in my native tonge. :C

Anyways, the dream at the beginning was written at about 1-3 in the morning (I can't remember), so it's weird. I warn you again that I fail at romance, but this story is mainly for humor purposes. I'm sorry it took so long to update, I had this chapter written out the day after I posted the first one, I just had a hard time getting my mom's laptop. Just remember I have a bunch of stories I haven't updated for months and don't feel bad. I'm looking forward to writing some of the upcoming chapters, so an update shouldn't take too long.

Thanks again for reading! A review, follow, favorite, or PM means the world to me, even if the responses are negative! Constructive criticism is the absolute cherry on top because improved writing means more feedback! Have an awesome (insert time of day)!

P.S. I think this pairing needs a name. Out of boredom I was playing around with it and got "rosemary' ('Ro' and 'ma' from Romano and "ary' from Hungary with 'se' added in the middle to make it a word). I also just realized that it reminds me of my name because my name is an herb as well as rosemary. Anyways, it's kinda stupid so I want any better suggestions, please!

-Anyone who guesses my first name gets a favor of some sort, just like the guessing game before. You are allowed one guess and I'll work out a prize with you later! Just shoot a PM if I announce that you won in the following chapter.

**Hint: My name is an herb.**


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